So here’s the thing. I’ve been in the USA for quite some time now as a resident and learnt a lot, and in that time Ive realized that many Americans who were born here have no actual idea what the amendments to the US constitution are actually about despite talking about the 1st, 2nd, and pleading the 5th a lot. It’s really weird. Unlike nasty foreigners they don’t need to take a test about them, and school curriculums on them are mostly seriously lacking. There’s 27 ratified amendments (and 6 unratified with little things like equal rights and child labour laws, you know, things most western countries have had for a while). It’s very very odd you guys don’t study them more.
So let’s do some fun legal history and talk about the first three, because they’re all odd. I may chat about the others later.
The first amendment is the one about free speech everyone talks about. Most Americans think it gives them the right to say whatever they want whenever they want to without consequence. This is rubbish. What it does do is give people the right to say whatever and not be censored by the government. You can establish a religion, have a rally, and talk whatever garbage you want and the government can’t stop you (yes, there’s legal caveats but go with me here)… nor can they stop the press which is specifically mentioned despite trump wishing it wasn’t. However a) private companies can do whatever they like, shut you down, stare and point at you, or whatever. And b) that doesn’t mean you have no consequences. If you say stupid stuff people will call you out and they also have the right to do that. You can say what you like but people can still show you the door. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and others are not the government and can shut you down in a heartbeat. You have free speech. You can’t be a dick about it without people calling you on that.
The second amendment is the one about guns… except it’s not. It’s about the right to bear arms (rawr) against an unjust government with a well regulated militia. Firstly this may have been super cool when both sides were armed with muskets, but taking on drones, tanks and aircraft carriers with a “well regulated militia” is hilarious. Now sadly the Supreme Court decided (partially because of weird commas in the wording and the NRA lobbyists and white racist guys) that this meant anyone could hold a gun at any time… till black People started holding guns then they tried to change that… and then they changed it back when white people shouted more. There are no well regulated militia anymore. There’s armed nutbags who want to make the bang bang ideally against people. Sadly, as the law currently stands, armed nutbags are in the right. It’s a bad law but it’s where we are. Let’s move on.
Lastly let’s talk about the 3rd amendment because it’s fun… way more fun than the second. The 3rd amendment says the government can’t quarter troops in your house except in times of war. That’s it. There’s weird details but yeah, that’s the 3rd position in the US holy of holies. Yes, they made an amendment for this. It’s awesome. It has gone to court maybe a half dozen times total… for police commandeering a room for surveillance and odd stuff like that. It was discussed recently when trump tried to bring troops to DC and put them in hotels. Technically if any us service member tries to enter your house you could plead the 3rd. If you put up an on duty service member on your couch you’re possibly (unproven in law) violating the 3rd amendment of the USA. How awesome is that! Go rebel!
There we go. Learn your amendments because they’re fun. This ends today’s lesson.
Note: I am not a lawyer nor do I play one on TV. I’m happy to discuss specifics of anything I’ve gotten wrong. I am only a nasty foreigner after all. What would I know.